Welcome to the newest installment of Blog for a Beer on this lovely Fantasy Friday. Every week we offer up a bloggy prompt and invite you to discuss and debate the topic. The comments will close at 11:59PM Pacific time Saturday and, if we have at least 10 participants, we’ll award $10 in beer (or sundae, if you’re a minor) money to the most interesting or entertaining contributor after that. Close out the weekend in style!
This week is more contest oriented. Inspired by the recent Twitter competition (and by the many people around us tweeting constantly), we thought it would be fun to see what fantasy and SF twitters would look like. Twittering 100 years in the future, how would that be? What if Frodo and Gandalf had Twitter? Zombie twittering has to be completely awesome (and completely frakked).
So give us some genre-flavored twitters — either single tweets or back and forth conversations. And yes, you can use characters from your favorite TV shows, movies, and books if you like. Remember, 140 characters or less (including spaces). You have until 11:59PM PST Saturday.
1 • Michael Gordon said:
June 13th, 2008 at 9:00 am, permalink
The entire first few chapters of Dracula would fit absolutely perfectly in twitter format. Too busy at the moment to write them up, but I can just see an entire (very short) novel written that way.
2 • Berry said:
June 13th, 2008 at 9:15 am, permalink
Did mine as a snippet of chat-room banter and clocks in at 134 characters:
deadgangsta: going vegan–backed up
Zom$: traitor
deadgangsta: my GI’ll explode
Zom$: fiber don’t work
deadgangsta: enemas?
Zom$: just STFU
3 • Jonathan Wood said:
June 13th, 2008 at 3:19 pm, permalink
A bit of post-apocalyptica for you. Even with the title it’s still under the wire at 104 characters:
THE RAPTURE OF AL GORE
Just water. No land. Just water. Horizon to horizon. And not a drop drinkable.
4 • Randy Henderson said:
June 13th, 2008 at 7:21 pm, permalink
Twitters from the Immortal Club Men’s Room
By Randall Scott Henderson
Twitter Avatar: Twitter 9.0 Transreality Communications online. Welcome ImmortalClubJanitor.
[WHAT ARE YOU DOING?]
ImmortalClubJanitor: Testing. Is this thing working? Hi. My name is Ed. I clean the “male” restroom at the Immortal Club. Thought I’d try this Twitter thing.
ImmortalClubJanitor: Damn zombies. One let his bowels loose in the hall. Literally. I’m cleaning bowels from the carpet. New zombie rule – diapers or no entry
ImmortalClubJanitor: Saw Betty, she cleans the “female” restroom. One of Hestia’s brood. Fine woman, great hips. But the bosses dislike us workers fraternizing.
ImmortalClubJanitor: Damn. Eaters of Souls and Corruption Bingo night. Corruption don’t smell like roses to start; but crapped out corruption? Fuggedaboutit.
ImmortalClubJanitor: My 137th birthday today. Bosses got me a cake and a card. Big boss called me Fred. Awkward. Betty wasn’t there. Seems she quit. Damn.
ImmortalClubJanitor: Dark gods don’t even try to aim, evil bastards. I mean really, on the ceiling? Come on! I put cute bunny targets in toilet, but didn’t work.
ImmortalClubJanitor: The good gods might eat sweet smellin love, but their poo smells like a dead rat floating in rotten milk. It’s the stress. Bad for digestion
BathroomBetty: @ImmortalClubJanitor Hey Ed! Didn’t know you twittered. Remember, at least good deities are quiet and clean in the stalls. Their bowels move in mysterious ways.
ImmortalClubJanitor: @BathroomBetty Hi Bett! True. And I’d rather have Good God stink than clean digested hatred off ceramic tile once it’s dried and hardened. So where you at?
[YOUR DIRECT MESSAGES]
[Direct Message] BathroomBetty:I’m working for a wealthy jinn whose looking for another palace janitor. Hint, hint.
[Direct Message] ImmortalClubJanitor: Wow. Leaving this job would be hard. Been here 87 years. Job security and all. And once I burn that rainbow bridge, ain’t no going back.
[Direct Message] BathroomBetty: Yeah, well, I thought you liked my hips, big boy?
[Direct Message] ImmortalClubJanitor: You read that?
[Direct Message] BathroomBetty: And liked it
Your hips ain’t bad either. And FYI – the jinn doesn’t discourage fraternization. Just sayin. Think about it.
[Direct Message] ImmortalClubJanitor: I will. Thanks. And if you’re ever back in this dimension, look me up.
[WHAT ARE YOU DOING?]
ImmortalClubJanitor: Why do good gods make bad customers? They never give tips, just sad smiles & advice to forsake the need for worldly goods. Yeah, thanks bud.
ImmortalClubJanitor: Vamps. Act all royal & snotty. But ever smelled blood digested thru dead guts? Redefines ’something crawled inside and died.’ I need a raise
ImmortalClubJanitor: Bosses laughed about the raise. And they’re making us pay for our own coffee now. Company cost cutting. Bastards.
[YOUR DIRECT MESSAGES]
[Direct Message] ImmortalClubJanitor: Betty, get them hips ready, ’cause here I come.
Twitter Avatar: ImmortalClubJanitor session terminated.
5 • Nivair Gabriel said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:03 pm, permalink
UFOsTurnMeOn is wondering when exactly his new partner became such a hardnosed tightass. and thinks possibly it’s good for him.
AgentStarbuck Just landed back in Washington – taking a cab home, and browsing twitter on my cell. My latest case reeked of uselessness and boredom.
UFOsTurnMeOn just received agentstarbuck’s friend request … jesus christ, you twitter?
AgentStarbuck Yeah, and I’m betting the Lone Gunmen do too. What are their screennames? BeardedKnowItAll? UnwashedSidekick?
UFOsTurnMeOn frohike came to the hospital for you, you know
AgentStarbuck My sister told me afterwards she practically had to drag YOU there. I’m glad my abduction-induced fatal cancer made your busy daily schedule.
UFOsTurnMeOn you should really not be talking about such sensitive information over twitter
ChrisCarter No, guys, go right ahead. You are such dorks. David, be on time tomorrow, k?
6 • Michael A. Kechula said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:07 pm, permalink
This one is exactly 140 characters and spaces long, according to WORD:
Protect against zombie attacks. They hate chocolate-saturated human brains. Mainline my choc repellent into your lobes. Only $10/syringe.
7 • Michael A. Kechula said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:16 pm, permalink
Here’s one that’s 140 characters/spaces long:
After World War Seven, I went home. “Was it bad?” Lea asked.
“Terrible,” I answered, as we strolled along Chicago’s Pacific Ocean shoreline.
8 • Michael A. Kechula said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:32 pm, permalink
This one’s 140 characters/spaces long:
“I survived radiation, lasers, aliens, exotic bio contamination, giant mutant bugs,” Frank said. Then he slipped on a banana peel and died.
9 • Michael A. Kechula said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:40 pm, permalink
Another 140 character/space tale:
After the last war, only cockroaches and me were left. Lonely, I married the cutest one. We mate hourly. Soon, Earth will be repopulated.
10 • Michael A. Kechula said:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:49 pm, permalink
Exactly 140 characters/spaces long:
The final thermonuclear bomb dropped was a Happy Bomb. We who survived are still laughing. Life’s good. Too bad you died. This is lotsa fun.
11 • Randy Henderson said:
June 13th, 2008 at 9:03 pm, permalink
My Trip to Ancient Japan
Travelled back in time. What?
No Twitter? What shall I do?
I’ll invent Haiku!
12 • Randy Henderson said:
June 13th, 2008 at 9:05 pm, permalink
Doh! Ignore the “What?”
13 • Randy Henderson said:
June 14th, 2008 at 1:30 pm, permalink
[WHAT ARE YOU DOING?]
PippinPimp: Gandalf asked me to risk my life lighting a signal fire. Then I remembered Gandalf is a fire wizard. He can’t light it himself?! What up?
Gandalf: Fine. I’ll use Twitter talk. Twitter twitter butterfly, twitter forth, save my hide, as you have & will again, twitter twitter little friend
MinasTirithGuard34: Damn. Some moth flew into our torch and burst into flame, then flew into the signal pyre and lit it off! Hope I don’t get fired for this.
Amon Din: @MinasTirith I lit our signal fire!
Eilenach: @AmonDin I lit our signal fire!
Nardol: @Eilenach I lit our signal fire!
Erelas: @Nardol I lit our signal fire!
Min-Rimmon: @Erelas I lit our signal fire!
Calenhad: @Min-Rimmon I lit our signal fire!
Halifirien: @Calenhad I lit our signal fire!
StriderRanger: Theoden! The Beacons of Minas Tirith! The Beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid.
HorseKing99: I’m giving a dramatic pause.
HorseKing99: More dramatic pause.
HorseKing99: Still with the dramatic pause.
HorseKing99: And Rohan will answer! Muster the Rohirrim. Assemble the army at Dunharrow … You have two days. On the third, we ride for Gondor and war!
14 • Jon D. said:
June 25th, 2008 at 7:14 pm, permalink
What the hell is a twitter and why am I chuckling at the name “Min-Rimmon”?