I haven’t seen it personally, but I have heard the worst episode is Spock’s Brain.

Yes, yes, and YES. Love that episode. I used to use it in a creative writing class in order to talk about metaphor.

For Next Gen, it was the episode where Piccard is kidnapped and left on a planet with an alien captain from a species that communicates in stories.

How do you communicate if you don’t know another person’s cultural references?

And ST answered the question. Learn the other person’s cultural references, because when you do, you can understand them. When you do, you can talk to them, and they can talk to you. Communication can happen.

And communication is, to mix my show metaphors, a sonic spanner that can fix anything.

I still tear up when I watch Patrick Stewart telling the story of Gilgamesh, and when I watch him tell the alien captain’s number one what happened on the planet. To me that one show embodies all the best of Trek philosophy.

Any suggestions for awesome ST episodes that might change my mind about ST?

Worf: “I am NOT a merry man!”

* Tolerance amongst species, you say? Nope, you don’t get much more diverse than the Mos Eisley Cantina, plus, Star Wars had interpreter droids, and many characters actually learned other people’s languages, rather than rely on handwavium tech that seamlessly translates everything to English. I can’t think of anything more tolerant and accepting than actually learning somebody else’s language.

* Snazzy uniforms? Nope, cause if by snazzy, you mean spandex unitards and foam vests, that’s a big No.

* Cool space ships? Though the Enterprise itself was pretty neat, it can’t beat TIE Fighters, X-Wings, Star Destroyers, or the coveted Millennium Falcon. Not even the Romulan Warbird or the Klingon Bird of Prey is that cool. Certainly not the BORG ships, which were about as imaginative as turning a pair of your sneakers into a spaceship when Christmas came and went and Luke and Han still didn’t get that snowspeeder to fly around in when you were 9. Dude, it’s a Rubic’s Cube. Get over yourselves, Star Trek SFX dept.

*Cloaking devices? We’re getting warmer, but still no. Big deal, you still have to show up when you shoot at somebody. In the vastness of infinite space, how easy is it really to spot a spaceship the size of an aircraft carrier amongst stars, planets, nubulae, and stars. That’s like looking for a particular tuna at the bottom of the ocean.

* Betazoids? Other than the untamed libido of Deanna Troi’s mom, they aren’t nearly as cool as Jedi that can frak with your mind.

* Slave Girls of Perseid Omicron IV? You know, the green chicks. I see your Terran dancers and raise you Twileks at Jabba’s palace.

* Government based on knowledge, enlightenment, furthering the advancement of multi-world species, and intergalactic fraternity? Naw, the universe is much more interesting when it’s run by slug-like gangsters, cyborg Force-wielding Dark Lords of the Sith, and rag-tag freedom fighters.

* The Prime Directive. Seriously? That’s like the WORST part of Star Trek. “Don’t mess with other cultures on other worlds! I mean it!” Well then, you’d just better avoid going to those planets in the first place. Thus ends the Federation and the whole point of Roddenberry’s one government world. The only time it is interesting is when the captains violate this premise.

So, what is better about Star Trek? The TRANSPORTER. This thing is frakkin’ awesome! Not only can you “beam” (excellent word by the way) to other places, but you can avoid that whole thing with making planetfall or taking off again. BAM! You are just there! Total instant gratification. Plus there is the risk of being lost in transporter subspace and getting turned into a gigantic Lt. Barkely-devouring/loving worm! Excellent! Or else, you can wind up in that sucker long past your expiration date, such as the whole Kirk incident with Generations. Why J.T. wasn’t a worm is anybody’s guess, but that’s what rocks about the transporter! It’s the proverbial box of chocolates with high amounts of energy and arrays and blasting your atoms across space. It even cures venereal disease, hence Riker and Kirk’s continued existence without mega-doses of antibiotics after their “first contact” with aliens they encountered. I love the transporter device!

Even the panel to operate it was bitchin’! It was like O’Brien or Mr. Scott were the sound-mixin’est DJ’s of the Federation, running that high-tech sound board with mad skillz. Sure, they just pushed the bar up or down, but I had the feeling that unless they did it right, it would have the same effect as trying to zero in on a radio station on your clock radio. Either wake up to your favorite tunes, or some creepy religious station that immediately ruins your day at 6:59 a.m. Or worse yet, empty space. Which is often where the baddies got projected in the grittier episodes/movies.

So, why didn’t Star Wars have an equivalent? Cause they knew Star Trek had them beat with this one awesome creation. Anything else would be a pale immitation, and forever be compared with Star Trek. There is no getting around this one. I love the transporter.