Last week, Blog for a Reviser asked “If you could choose one mundane household item to be your magic reviser, which item would you choose and how would you use it?” Our winner was Cat C. with:
The toilet.
“Gosh, why did I ever buy this shirt? Dancing reindeer are so not cool…” *FLUSH* Gone!
“Why did I answer when she asked me if I thought her new outfit made her butt look big? There was no right answer…” *Brushes teeth, rinses mouth, and spits rinsate into the toilet* *FLUSH* Gone!
“Why did I go and look at my ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page? I didn’t really want to see her making out with her new flavor of the week…” *Tips head over the toilet and pulls out thoughts a la Dumbledore with the Pensieve, drops them into the commode* *FLUSH* Gone!
I’m not sure that the septic system would handle all of this new input so well, so the “magic revisionist toilet” would really have to be a “magic revisionist toilet/septic system” to work properly I suppose.
Congratulations, Cat C. Email us to collect your winnings.
This week, we revisit the borgs with Blog for a Cyborg. Among the below cyborgs (or add one of your own picks), which is your favorite and why?
The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman (1973-1978)
ABC Network
Who can forget the 1970s classic made-for-TV movies and series, The Six Million Dollar Man, and its spinoff, The Bionic Woman? Steve Austin, a cyborg working for the Office of Scientific Intelligence (OSI) chases down bad guys, snaps metal chains with his bare hands, and leaps from tall buildings to carry endangered young women to safety at cheetah speed, all except for Jamie Sommers, of course. The bionic woman is quite capable of taking care of herself and the bad guys.
Blade Runner
Directed by Ridley Scott (1982)
Blade Runner is a cult classic starring Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, and Sean Young. The screenplay, written by Hampton Fancher and David Peoples, is loosely based on Philip K. Dick’s novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? This film features a dystopian Los Angeles in 2019 where replicants, or biologically engineered humanoid beings, are illegal, perceived as dangerous. Harrison Ford’s character, Rick Deckard, reluctantly agrees to help hunt a recently escaped Nexus-6, “the worst yet.” Blade Runner, like The Terminator, belongs to the Library of Congress’s National Film Registry as being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.”
RoboCop (1987)
Directed by Paul Verhoeven
Set in near future and dystopian Detroit, Michigan, a cop, played by Peter Weller, suffers torture and gang execution. He’s brought back via cybernetic technology and released to patrol the city. Riddled with one-liners reminiscent of The Terminator, this film has taken on something of a cult following itself. Critically acclaimed as satirical, the film uses ultra-violence in an over-the-top, stylistic social commentary.
Star Wars (1977)
Directed by George Lucas
Darth Vader, the cyborg father of Luke Skywalker, needs no introduction. After his body burns beyond repair, scientists save him with machine augmentation, including of course, a heavy respirator. Of all the cyborg villains, Darth Vader may truly be the most memorable.
Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)
Rick Berman, Michael Piller, and Jeri Tayler
Star Wars may have the most memorable cyborg villain, but Star Trek arguably wins the creepiest cyborg award for aesthetics. Melding beauty with machinery, the Borg Queen is a sultry mix of grace, poise, and sociopathic tendencies.
I, Robot (2004)
Directed by Alex Proyas
The original I, Robot stories, nine in all, were written by Issac Asimov and adapted into the 2004 film which chronicles Del Spooner, played by Will Smith. Spooner, a futuristic detective, takes a murder case involving a robot suspect. Spooner’s prejudice against the robot is an ironic spin as Spooner, himself, was fitted long ago with a robotic arm after suffering a tragic accident. Spooner, a cyborg, must look past his prejudice against robots in order to find inner peace and solve the crime.
Soldier (1964)
The Outer Limits
Written by Harlan Ellison, this episode of The Outer Limits depicts a futuristic soldier, Qarlo. Qarlo is sent back in time where he’s captured by the government, and they don’t know what to do with him. Tom Kagan, a philologist, decides to take Qarlo home to the wife and kiddies. Critics disagree over whether this is classic sci-fi at its best or exalted SF. Either way, the most distressing issue about the episode is the narrator’s and characters’ inabilities to settle upon a pronunciation of Qarlo’s name. Is he [karlo] or [quarlo]? If you like Soldier, check out Ellison’s other episode, Demon with a Glass Hand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lImaly19Yps.
The Matrix (1999)
Directed by Larry and Andy Wachowski
As with The Terminator, purists and neo-cyborgists argue over the validity of The Matrix as a true cyborg film. Does the permanent receptacle in the head qualify? How about the hooked up pod babies? Whatever the classification, Matrix science certainly allows for human, machine correlation, set in sci-fantasy, dystopian, and futuristic settings.
Starship Troopers (1997)
Directed by Paul Verhoeven
Another sub-genre of cyborg classification includes the use of exoskeleton suits nicknamed lobsters, a concept penned by author, Bruce Sterling. Based on Robert A. Heinlein’s “Starship Soldier,” published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (1959). Starship Troopers portrays foot soldiers fitted with exoskeleton suits. The suits regulate temperatures and enhance sensory abilities while on the battlefield. The concept of lobster cyborgs calls into question the definitive term. Must an exoskeleton invasively connect or hook into the human in order to qualify as cyborg?
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Directed by Gavin Hood
X-Men Origins: Wolverine gives the backstory to the character, Wolverine, the dark, edgy man-animal who fans love to fear. The movie certainly puts to rest the depth of this character’s pain, but a question still lingers. Is he cyborg or not? He certainly has movable metal parts, but the parts are not robotically mechanized. Rather, they move by extra-sensory ability. Maybe Wolverine deserves his own cyborg sub-genre. He is a mutant, after all. Either way, this film is a must see in 2009 for the Marvel Comics fan-base. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is action packed, socially satirical, and full of beautiful mutants.
1 • Celina Cook said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:46 am, permalink
Did you forget to mention Iron Man? That’s the ultimate Cyborg! I mean, the man got his heart impaired. Then Yinsen creates that “electromagnet” to save his heart, and Stark builds all the armor to fight crime and terrorism. I don’t really remember any other of the cyborgs doing what he could do, although I am a huge fan of Steve and Jaime. Iron Man literally flies all around the world to save people from his own weapons and fights an enemy many times more powerful than himself. There is also all the drama around his personality and the irony about the fact that he is hurt by the same war he wants to earn a profit from. I just love the way the character was developed by Robert Downey, who, by the way, had everything to know how Stark would feel with the troubled life he himself has had.
2 • Rae Bryant said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 am, permalink
Celina, OMG! You are so right! Iron Man definitely deserves to be on the list. We’ll add him as part of our extended.
I have to say that the film didn’t capture me quite as much as others, but I do love Robert Downey, Jr., and the concept of Iron Man is cool.
3 • Ryk E. Spoor said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 am, permalink
I have to go with the old-school. Steve Austin is the Man. I just rewatched the first two seasons on DVD, and I was actually amazed at how well the show holds up as entertainment. (though it’s also amazing how many old shows’ plots could have been derailed by someone having a cell phone)
You’re leaving out a large number of other choices, of course, especially from anime (Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, is particularly popular at present, but there’s other choices ranging from Cyborg 009 to 8th Man to Cobra), but I understand if you need to keep the selection down to things people have heard of.
4 • Rae Bryant said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 am, permalink
Steve Austin was certainly the man. Yes, this list is meant to target a more mainstream demographic, but we have an article coming up that focuses on cyborg anime.
5 • Glenn said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm, permalink
I didn’t even have to think about this one. Top of my list; Darryl Hannah as Pris in Blade Runner. She was soooooo hot.
My number two pick would be Summer Glau as Cameron in the Sarah Conner Chronicles, or as River Thames in Firefly and Serenity. Although she was human in those two.
I’m a big fan of Dollhouse, too. (perhaps the only fan) Apparently I have a thing for beautiful young women who kick ass in with grace, elegance and eroticism.
That probably says something about me. I think I’ll have another glass of absinthe and not dwell on the matter.
6 • Clint said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:30 pm, permalink
Lobot from Empire Strikes Back was Lando’s Go-To guy. Underrated, under-appreciated. Bald as the day is long. Possibly jealous of Princess Leia’s bagel hair.
The cyborgs in Screamers were way cool too, particularly when they turned out to be incendiary children that like to follow Peter Weller around the planet.
But for all-time, I’m going to have to go for the Cylon’s on BSG. Particularly Number 6. Not only does she wear slinky outfits and seduce her way into the Caprican security systems and thus doom humanity, but other versions of her do all sorts of things from wearing jumpsuits and seducing Admiral Cain, or seducing Colonel Tigh in prison attire. Some Number Sixes have been known to be maintenance crew that specialize in smearing cylon base-star goo into the old cracking metal of Colonial battlestars…in an albeit seductive manner.
JB-Weld has never been so hottt.
7 • Alara Moonrunner said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:30 pm, permalink
It’s been years but the episodes where Picard got temporarly assimilated have stuck with me as far as wierdness/creepy factor goes.
8 • Alara Moonrunner said:
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm, permalink
Also suggestions for the upcoming anime list would be Lain first and foremost, barring that one Cat Girl Nuku-nuku. (Although i’m not sure if that one counts, it’s a cat mentally)
9 • Randy Henderson said:
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm, permalink
What, no mention of “Cyborg” starring Jean-Claude Van Damme? Or “Universal Soldier” starring Jean-Claude Van Damme? Or “Knights” starring Lance Henrikson and Kris Kristofferson (but alas, no Jean-Claude Van Damme)?
And, of course, you missed the most bad-ass cyborg of all – Inspector Gadget!
And now, for your viewing pleasure, the beatbox flute version of the Inspector Gadget theme song.
10 • Glenn said:
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm, permalink
Excellent post, Alara. I’d forgotten all about the All Purpose Cultural Catgirl, or she would have been on my list. She was definitely a dynamic heroine.
BTW They could create an excellent anime heroine from your name; if they haven’t already. I’ll have to Google it and find out.
11 • mockingbird said:
May 24th, 2009 at 10:11 pm, permalink
well, my mind goes right to Vic Stone of the Teen Titans. AKA Cyborg =D Kicks a lot of ass with a lot of his own great story arcs in the Wolfman/Perez comics in the 80’s.
12 • Celina Cook said:
May 28th, 2009 at 8:20 am, permalink
Alara Moonrunner reminds me of a Night elf. Really! Sorry, I play World of Warcraft.
13 • Jonathan Rock said:
May 28th, 2009 at 11:54 pm, permalink
The spiritual fusion of Maximillian with his master in Disney’s Black Hole kind of counts as cyborg generation.
Maximillion No! He was a good man.
Also what about the people/programs of Tron?
14 • Fantasy Magazine » Blog For A Bella Swann said:
June 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm, permalink
[...] Bella Swannby contests Articles, Friday, June 26th, 2009permalink, jump to commentsIn the last Blog for A, we talked about cyborgs, and discussed a range of metal men (and women) that included the [...]
15 • Rae Bryant said:
August 14th, 2009 at 4:24 pm, permalink
Check out the new “Blog for a…”– http://www.darkfantasy.org/fantasy/?p=4820.