Many of us have taken various personality assessments from the Meyers-Briggs to the daily horoscope to Quizzilla’s “Which Firefly Character are You?” test. These allow us to pinpoint character strengths and weaknesses in ourselves. But results may vary.

Depending on the internet quiz, I’m Zoe, Snake Plissken, Han Solo, or Wile E. Coyote. More professional type assessments are often just as vague. This doesn’t really help me much. That’s why I think roll playing game companies should make personality assessment, based on various d20-type rules, where they take one’s personal attributes and career aptitudes and paint a more accurate picture than what we currently see with other tests.

This is what I rolled up so far, complete with Player’s Guide explanations:

Name: Clint
Character Name: Clinton A. Harris
Race: Human
Sex: Male
Class: Writer (Specialization: SF)
Level: 3 (Aspirant)
Armor Class: 8 (5 against Rejection and Criticism)

Attributes:
Strength: 12 (I should be working out more)
Dexterity: 13 (I can make coffee in my sleep without spilling!)
Constitution: 9 (I’m a cheap date, okay?!)
Intelligence: 15 (I’m no Cormac McCarthy, but I do okay)
Wisdom: 16 (You call it cynical, I call it “wise”)
Charisma: 14 (as a Writer, gain +2 with written word, suffer -3 in personal interaction)

1. Consider dating someone who is already a gamer

Seriously. If you have a strong interest in gaming (or anything else), doesn’t it make sense to pursue people with similar hobbies? One of the things that baffles me the most about the “How to Get Your Girlfriend into Gaming” lists is that they generally proceed from the assumption that “Your Girlfriend” not only doesn’t like any of the things you like, but might actually even hate them. Why would you date this person?

3. Don’t be an elitist jerk

I am saying this fondly as one geek to others: You know that thing you do where you show off how awesome you are to your friends by challenging them to provide the correct answers to (often very obscure) trivia questions? It’s not attractive.

I loved fantasy and adventure and brave heroes and cunning spies and noble Halflings. And yet, I didn’t play my first game of Dungeons & Dragons until I was 23.

Because D&D was for boys.

Really, that was it. I really didn’t get into the habit of questioning my own assumptions about what was and wasn’t for anyone until I hit my late teens.

…if the government were to listen to most sci-fi television writers, then in the case of terrorist attack they’d either activate the nuclear self-destruct device, or attempt to reverse the polarity or shield harmonics of whatever thingymajiggy the terrorists use. Roll end credits.

But while we may be ready in actuality for the Andromeda Strain (as seen in the recently released mini-series), I’m pretty certain our government is completely unprepared for, say, attack by evil fairies…