- I’m a grown woman. I do not believe in the bogeyman.
- Okay, I believe in the bogeyman, but he is confined to nightmares.
- The bogeyman is not allowed in my closet where I keep my sexy lingerie and aphrodisiac mothballs. Nor under my bed, nor in the real world.
- Fine. The bogeyman is allowed under my bed as long as he stays there, but no closer than that. I can’t let him discover my secret agenda.
- Though if he does come out from under the bed, he will find some tastefully erotic magazines I stored under there to get him in the mood, in case he happened to stop by.
- Okay, so the bogeyman is allowed to come out from under the bed, but he isn’t allowed to make shadow puppets dance across my walls like sexy phantoms—err, I mean scary phantoms. He isn’t allowed to give me strange dreams that will make me feel all unrested in the morning.
- The bogeyman will only give me naughty dreams when I have a boyfriend and I have a way to deal with that pent-up sexual energy.
- Fine, the bogeyman will give me monster erotica wet dreams whenever he wants.
- I will not put on perfume and makeup, wear sexy lingerie and style my hair before I go to bed in the hope of tempting the bogeyman to make my dreams come true.
- I will not tempt him to sit on the bed and give away my desire for badboy monsters like him.
- Okay, I will suggest the bogeyman sit on the bed, but only to make him more comfortable. And those chocolate scented candles I lit were the equivalent of a nightlight so I didn’t have to sleep in the dark. I don’t have an excuse for the rose petals on the sheets.
- I will remember to keep our relationship strictly professional and not deviate from the frightened role, so that I will not scare him away. Like the last bogeyman.
- I will not lean in to kiss the bogeyman when he tries to scare me.
- Well, maybe just lean in a little, so that my breath brushes his lips and he thinks the kiss is his idea. Normally a bogeyman would never try to touch a human, so I’ve got to work to make this feel natural for him.
- I will not accidentally grope his washboard abs as I pretend to push him away. Oh god, he’s slippery and slimy, just like I hoped he would be. My breath catches in my throat.
- I will be more subtle than I was with the last bogeyman.
- Is that a mouth instead of a belly button? How monster-liciously hot! I trace the outline of his sensual lips with my finger. He bites me and I moan.
- I will do my best to make it a terrified moan.
- Wait, are those tentacles from the waist down? How did he know? Scratch that, the bogeyman knows everything that might turn a girl on—err, I mean terrify her.
- I most certainly will not cry out in pleasure as the bogeyman wraps me in his tentacles and puts those suction cups to good use.
- I will do my best to squirm and fight and act frightened. The way he oozes turns me on.
- I will not arch my back and grind against him. He smells like Old Spice and gasoline. And desire. Never have I wanted a monster this much before. He’s way hotter than the closet bogeyman.
- I might arch my back a little.
- I will not ask him to squeeze me tighter or tell him my bra unhooks from the front.
- Okay, I will, but I will use the best frightened voice I can muster.
- Hey, where is he going?
- Stupid flirt. I’m all alone now. It’s like the bogeyman never existed. Only, the feelings are still there.
- I’m a grown woman. I don’t believe in bogeymen.
- At least not ones who make my monster fantasies come true.
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